Why Raise A Child When You Can Raise A Bulldozer

Ahh, children. Beautiful little innocent creatures who blindfully trust us adults. They put their lives into our hands and we reassure them that we'll do anything to protects these little precious lives, who really, are the future.

SO LET'S MAKE THEM MORBIDLY OBESE YA'LL!

The most calorific Kids Meal in America is Friendly's "Mac and Cheese Quesadillas", a meal which includes a drink and a dessert and adds up to 2300 calories. An adult needs 2000 per day.

But I mean if your child is really, really hungry then why not?

I'd love to have a little child the size of a house. Then I would make it fight pitbulls and take bets. You know how I get that money son!