This article is intended as satire, I think. Unfortunately, it's poorly executed satire and the topic is birth control. That's a dangerous combination in dire need of a remedy, or two.
Plan B isn't pining for the fjords, it's no more
Pharmacies are out of Plan B because Plan B has been discontinued by its manufacturer quite some time ago. So forget about Plan B and familiarize yourselves with the available emergency contraceptive pill (ECP) brands.
Next Choice and Postinor
Next Choice and Postinor (outside the US) are the equivalent of Plan B -- 2 pill levonorgestrel (LNG), a progestin, dose brands available without a prescription and on Amazon. Take both pills at the same time (disregard label instructions), as soon as possible after the act of unprotected intercourse, up to 120 hrs/5 days. The sooner you use it, the more effective it is.
Plan B One-Step, i-Pill/Nextime, and Postinor 1/Postinor2 Unidosis
Plan B One-Step, i-Pill/Nextime, and Postinor 1/Postinor2 Unidosis are 1 pill LNG dose brands also available without a prescription and on Amazon (Plan B One-Step and i-Pill/Nextime). The instructions for use are the same as for the 2 pill dose brands -- take the pill as soon as possible, up to 120 hrs/5 days. The sooner you use it, the better.
This a newer type of ECP, a 1 pill ulipristal acetate (UA), a second generation progesterone receptor modulator, dose brand available by prescription only. Have your physician write an advance prescription, fill it, and keep it handy to use when you inevitably find yourself in need of it on that long holiday weekend at 3AM. Same instructions for use; possibly more effective than the LNG brands when used after 72 hrs.
*Emergency* Contraception Pill
ECP postcoital birth control is only to be used in an emergency for the simple reason that it's not as effective as the other available methods when used on a regular basis.
The most effective regular birth control methods are the IUD and the implant.
Forget Plan B, remember Plan B One-Step, i-Pill / Nextime, Next Choice, Postinor, Postinor 1/Postinor2 Unidosis, and ella. Don't substitute ECP for regular birth control. And, last but not least, even in emergencies avoid attempts at satirical articles on birth control.